Neptune, and the Fantasy of Love: How to Break Free and Meet Your Needs.

Neptune, Obsession and the Longing to Be Seen

Some connections feel like dreams. You don’t even know why this person had such a profound impact. It’s as if they appeared to wake something up in you, and now you can’t un-feel it. It’s Beautiful. Magical. And also… deeply painful.

When Neptune is active in synastry, especially when it touches personal planets like Venus, the Moon, or Mars, a relationship can feel like soul recognition. It’s not just about chemistry or compatibility. It’s about something unspoken or even spiritual. People describe it as if they met a mirror, or a twin flame, or someone from a past life, someone who seems to see straight into their soul.

There’s often a sense of fate. But that’s the thing with Neptune. It dissolves the boundaries between two people, and also between truth and illusion. You’re often not seeing the truth of who they are; you’re usually seeing what you want to see. You might be projecting your unmet emotional needs and your ideal of love onto them.

Obsession Isn’t Love. It’s Longing for Wholeness. Obsession often emerges when we believe that the other person holds something vital, something we’re missing in ourselves. We don’t just want their attention or affection. We want the feeling we have when we’re around them. That feeling of being fully alive, special or seen. And that’s the trap, because we start believing that only this person can awaken them in us. The obsession intensifies when there’s distance, inconsistency, or confusion. It creates emotional starvation. The nervous system interprets it as a loss, even if nothing concrete was ever there. The fantasy becomes more powerful than reality. Especially with Neptune, which rules imagination, dreams, longing, and idealisation, we can get lost in the possibility of what the relationship could be, rather than what it truly is.

Was He/ She Obsessed Too?

It’s a fair question. One many people ask in the middle of Neptune's heartbreak. Sometimes the other person is drawn to you just as intensely. Sometimes they do feel something deep, inexplicable, beautiful. But Neptune is foggy, he might disappear. He might seem present, but emotionally unavailable. He might feel everything, and still not choose to stay.

Practical Tips on How to Start Healing: You don’t always have to cut someone off to start reclaiming your energy. But you do need to turn the mirror inward.

Here’s how to begin:

1. Acknowledge and meet your emotional needs.

Ask yourself:

What am I craving from him right now? Validation? Comfort? To feel special? Safe?

Then ask: Can I give some of that to myself?

This might look like:

• Writing yourself a kind, loving letter

• Taking yourself on a quiet, nourishing solo date

• Giving yourself a movie night under a blanket

• Reassuring yourself like you would a scared child. Self-love isn’t always a grand gesture. Sometimes, it’s just learning to speak to yourself with warmth instead of criticism.

2. Reclaim the traits you’ve projected onto him.

What do you admire in him?

• Is it his confidence?

• His calmness?

• His emotional depth?

These are traits you can develop in yourself. Neptune doesn’t just bring illusion; it also brings potential.

Ask: What if I could integrate this quality into my own life, instead of only experiencing it through him?

3. Create emotional safety within yourself.

Obsession often comes from feeling out of control emotionally.

Try:

• Checking in daily: “What do I feel right now? What do I need?”

• Journaling your emotions instead of sending that message

• Holding space for discomfort without acting on it. You don’t have to “fix” every feeling. You just need to be with it. Because when you can self-soothe, you stop outsourcing your stability.

4. Set internal boundaries. Your thoughts matter. If you catch yourself spiralling into obsession, interrupt the loop: “I notice I’m obsessing again. I choose to come back to myself.”

Then:

• Breathe

• Move your body

• Change your environment

• Do one small thing that grounds you in your own reality.

Obsession weakens when you return to the present.

5. See the whole picture, not just the fantasy.

Neptune loves idealisation. You might believe: “He always sees me.” “He always makes me feel special.” But is that true, all the time?

Ask yourself:

• Do I feel emotionally safe when I’m vulnerable with him?

• Has he ever dismissed my feelings or gone silent when I needed him?

• Are there moments where I’ve felt small, unseen, or not enough around him? Write those moments down. Not to punish him, but to balance the story. Because fantasy without reality leads to suffering.

Final Thoughts:

Neptunian relationships are meant to bring magic into your life, to help you see that life isn’t only about the material world, that something beyond it might exist. It is possible to build a relationship with this aspect, but you have to be very careful. You need to see the other person for who they really are, not just through illusion or idealisation, and you have to work on yourself, on building self-trust and self-love.

The person with Neptune needs to work on direct communication so they don’t mislead the other person. If both people are willing to do the work, it can succeed. But very often, one person ends up deeply obsessed, and the other either feeds into it or, what sometimes happens, they don’t even realise the effect they’re having.

That’s why communication and self-awareness are so important.